From a Random Novel In Progress:
“There’s a scene here,” Maincharacter said. “Why the foo aren’t you writing it?”
“Because I don’t friggin’ see it,” the author replied.
“As if I’m going to take that for an excuse? Look, Lady McSwiggin is going to have to lose her necklace if Fred is going to find it in time for the action/adventure climax. So why not do that bit?”
“Because there isn’t a Lady McSwiggin in this book. Who the foo is Lady McSwiggin?”
“Hey, are you expecting me to do your job for you?” Maincharacter looked at the author with exasperation dripping from his mustache. (He had bought the exasperation at Al’s House of Nouns; it was his last bottle.) “I suppose I do. She’s the character with the necklace.”
“That didn’t clarify things. What necklace?”
“The cursed one.”
“Is there an echo in here? The cursed blue one.”
“You just stacked two adjectives on one noun.”
“La-di-friggin’-dah. Look who’s going all English Major on me now. If you don’t start writing your book, if you make me write your book, you won’t believe what I’m going to do to the prose.”
Suddenly, without warning, a naked woman screamed!
It was Lady McSwiggin, and she was standing at the door. “Open up right now,” she screamed again.
Maincharacter turned the knob and pulled the door in. “My lady!”
Lady McSwiggin stepped inside, as Maincharacter shut the door behind her. “Would you like a pair of jodhpurs?” he asked. “I think I have some that will fit you….”
“Never mind that. I need you to hide something for me.” She reached behind her neck and unclasped the necklace that she wore. The blue pendant, a diamond the size of a dwarf hamster, lay distractingly between her breasts. “Take this,” she said, pressing the necklace into Maincharacter’s hand. “Lord Halfbaked must never find it!”